Cooking is definitely a no-can-do with me. The fact itself is not new, nor startling…. But the process of testing this hypothesis was disastrous!!!!
The first night in Nasik, boiled eggs and buttered toast was all I could think of making with the given kitchen resources and energy levels I had at that point if time.
I never knew eggs could be so tricky!!!! I could successfully boil an egg only after the first 4 trials. I swear to God that I had nothing to do with it. The first one broke in the saucepan itself, as it was so violently throwing itself around in the boiling water, and the shell cracked against one such turbulent contact with the steel walls of the saucepan. The second was probably cracked right from the beginning.
The third had an epileptic fit… it frothed and foamed and died a premature death in shallow waters. The fourth was well…… I can’t describe it… it was just another disaster…..
The fifth one…. Left me feeling only slightly smarter than Edison. I beat him by 996 trials.
My next culinary project was a little too ambitious. I boldly overlooked the teething problems….. And whipped up pasta!!!!
No, the intention was to make an omelet. With tomatoes and onions and coriander, cheese etc. I realized, only after all the chopping and dicing was done… that there weren’t any eggs. (aha…. I now recalled where they went…).I couldn’t let all the dicing ( and the effort) go waste. Thus, an unearthed packet of pasta was successfully boiled, in salt water and all (courtesy long distance instructions from the beloved mater). Diluted ketchup made from tomato sauce, with defrosted and micro waved frozen French fries made a good, thick base. (I knew that a base was needed).
After little oiling and much stirring, the pasta was prepared with a slight hint of butter and a garnishing of chopped coriander an tomato ketchup…..and the continental khichdi was piled on a plate……and soon into the dustbin…..because though it looked GREAT…it was far too salty…( or something.)
Good attempt id say though…. It looked alright and had all the right ingredients.
Though Maggi has been an integral part of my diet for the past 5 years that I’ve been in a hostel, I have never tried to cook it myself.
However, over prolonged series of ( observation based) tests, I can infer that the various techniques employed by various ppl to make the basic fare, it doesn’t really make much of a diff. whether you boil the noodles first and then add the masala… or cook the masala and then add the .
UNTIL I ACTUALLY TRIED IT MYSELF !!!!…. The noodles boiled brilliantly, but when I added the masala, it evaporated, or vanished, or sublimed….leaving no trace of taste.
Not to be defeated, it didn’t take long to open another pack for the masala, and the uncooked noodles are still in my fridge.
Apart from these very revealing experiences, I have refrained from cooking.
Instead, what I have come up with is these rather artful ensembles of lime flavored toast, cereal in cold coffee( leftover coffee retrieved from the Hollow Hole.... My name for the fridge which is always empty).I can no longer remember what chaat masala is actually used for , for I use it in everything from soup to dahi. That Smith and Jones bhelpuri chutney is a damn good substitute for ketchup( cheaper too) but does NOT go with butter/ jam on toast.
Dahi with chaat masala and this bhelpuri chutney is so AWESUUUUM, that I am now sick of it.
And thus ladies and gentleman, allow me to make for you a bottle of the country’s finest champagne, or a red wine, or a white or a rose….
But I CANNOT boil an egg.
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